i began this post a couple of weeks ago, which will explain some of the topics i have brought up.
i'm really not sure the direction this post is going to take just yet, so for now I will just write.
My heart is broken. and continues to break.
it breaks for the community of Newtown Connecticut. it breaks for the family of the children and teachers whose lives were taken. it breaks for the family of Adam Lanza. my heart breaks for some of the reactions people have been making. my heart breaks because a lot of America does not know what it means to know Christ. my heart breaks for those who think this was "part of God's plan," for those who are ignorant to their own free will.
my heart breaks as i look at Facebook where my newsfeed is consumed with pictures of young girls who are looking for the world's approval. for young girls and women who look to society for what is right/wrong. my heart breaks when i witness excuses being made when they try to justify abuse.
my heart breaks for those who just don't get it. they don't get that God loved them so much that God sent Christ to die on a cross for them.
edit. 12/28/12
I've really been struggling with some things lately. much of which i will not go into detail about on this blog because i am not the main one affected with what's going on. I will say that I am just absolutely heartbroken at some of the actions and intentions of others.
That being said, I am also very hopeful. I'm hopeful because I know that in a world where evil is prominent that there are many, many good people in it. I'm hopeful because I serve a God whose love is greater and far more comprehendible than I can ever imagine. I'm hopeful because in a world where there is so much hate and destruction, there is a lot of love and community. I'm hopeful even in my most doubtful moments. I have hope.
Community.
This word has come to mean something different to me since being at Duke Divinity. I'm not sure I can fully describe to you what or how that perception and definition has come to be to me, but I can tell you that my feelings about community are positive and warm. As mentioned in a previous blog, my definition of what home is has also changed. This has much to do with what community means to me.
I'm going to end this blog because I still feel like I need to organize my thoughts and sort through them to better articulate them. I am also trying to decide what I want to do with the future of my blogging.
I hope you will be in prayer for me and my family.
All my love,
Corey
12.28.2012
11.25.2012
reflections. home. thankfulness. blessed. almost done!
(sorry this became a long post! but its a good one)
Oh my! How time flies by (when you're having fun?)....
haha, I am having a GREAT time at Duke Divinity School! I never would have thought I could have felt so at home in a place that was so far away from home. I guess that depends on how you define home. For so many years I defined it by where my parents were (and in so many ways it will always be defined that way) but the definition of home, for me, is so much more than that. My home isn't just my street address where I grew up. Home isn't just Jacksonville, Arkansas. Home, for me, definitely includes a LOT of people. My parents are the foundation of that. My brother and sister are also a part of that foundation. The next layer consists of my close friends--the truly close ones who know most everything about me. This layer also includes some of the mentors in my life, who will never admit they know me as well as they do! :) And then, there's my church family--the Jacksonville First United Methodist Church community of which I was raised and in so many ways formed. Then there are others who I may have had an encounter with only once or a few times who have impacted me, both directly and indirectly.
When I first got to North Carolina, I have to admit, I was pretty miserable. It was a huge adjustment and I'm not sure I had fully prepared myself to take on this journey--this new chapter in my life. I felt lonely, misunderstood, depressed, angry, excited, etc. To be honest, I'm not sure I fully understood who I was a few months ago (and I think I'm still in the process of figuring all of that out). For so long in my life, I never had to define who I was. I had forever been defined by the people in my life. I did not have to define myself because everyone around me was doing that for me. I defined myself based on how others viewed me (which led to some unhealthy, unhappy, and inaccurate views of myself). I think I began to feel a part of this "identity crisis" after some of my weight loss--I was no longer being defined by the way I looked and I knew that God had never defined me by what I looked like on the outside, but that God had forever been searching my heart. I've come to realize that on a whole new level, since being in NC. This brings me back to the definition of home. While Jacksonville, Arkansas will always be home, I have found and come to realize that my true home is in Jesus Christ. That wherever I go, as long as Christ is in my heart, I will always be where I'm supposed to be--I will always be home. Right now, home is Durham, North Carolina. And will be for at least the next two and a half years. (I can't believe I'm almost done with semester uno of seminary!!!)
I had the opportunity to visit some of my family that I have in North Carolina a few weeks ago. I spent the weekend with my aunt and uncle--what a great reminder of what family really is; that no matter the distance, or how many times you've seen each other in your lifetime, that family is family--a kind of love that doesn't go away. A kind of love that's natural. And a sense of warmth and a touch of what has always made home, well home. It was a great visit and was definitely a great part in making me feel more at home here. I am looking forward to many more opportunities to visit them in the future! (Thank you Uncle Keith and Aunt Diane for letting me stay with you, for treating me so well, for feeding me, and for taking me "grocery shopping!!")
I have found that God provides in some crazy, insane, annoying, yet amazing, exciting, and refreshing ways!! I always underestimate the power and grace of God (silly me, I know!)--but I do! All the time. I wouldn't say I'm one of those people that hates relying on others, but I will admit to sometimes being stubborn and wanting to do things on my own, that I forget that's not possible. None of where I'm at now would have been possible without God. Without my (almost) complete reliance and trust in God. There's no way I could have done what I've done in the last three months if it weren't for God's grace, God's love, and God's "hands" working in my life.
I am truly blessed and have so much to be thankful for!!!
In two days, I will be celebrating 23 years of life!!! This would not be possible without the determination and strength of my mother and father, who fought and tried for so long to have children. My mom has never given up on me--even before I was born, she never gave up. I am so grateful and owe most of who I am to my mom. I wouldn't have wanted any other mom than the one God blessed me with (I wouldn't have always said that, just for the record!). If I can one day be half the mother to my future children that my mom was to me, my brother and my sister, I'll still be doing great! Words cannot express the gratitude, the love, and the appreciation I have for my mom. Love you, mom!
Last week, when I was home for Thanksgiving, the first person I saw upon getting out of my vehicle at church was Fran Cotten. I am so thankful for people like Fran. She's the sweetest lady I think I have ever met in my life. She's only a part of what has made JFUMC home for so many years. There are definitely others there that have impacted me--the truth is there are way too many to name. What I know of the church comes from this particular church. And what I know about God comes from the people of this church--some of whom are still there and some who are no serving elsewhere. There have been many people who have been transformational and very, very formative in my faith (and continue to be). For those people (especially to the ones who put up with me and never gave up on my when I was a youth)--THANK YOU.
I have been extremely lucky in that I've gotten to visit with most of my close friends both trips back to AR. Words can't express how much they have been there for me the past few months, even though I am 850+ miles away from them. They make my heart happy and I'm so glad they've been apart of my life for as long as they have. What a blessing they all are!
I have also been extremely lucky with the friend-pool here. Lucky? Ehh...Extremely blessed!! While I will admit that I am still meeting some pretty amazing people, I was definitely blessed in the spiritual formation group area! Most of the people in that group have become some of my closest and dearest friends here. They have been more supportive, encouraging, and loving than I knew I was going to need in the first three months of seminary--so thank you, friends (you know who you are!). I'm telling you--with the group of people I have surrounding me here, there is no doubt in my mind that God doesn't provide for us the things we need when we need them--even before we know we need them!
I am seriously loving seminary more than I thought I ever would. I know, I'm ridiculous! I have pretty much known (although I never admitted it) that I would attend seminary since I was 12 years old. But seriously--it's hard, hard work. Lots of studying: there's always more to be read and always another paper that can be written. But it's AWESOME. and the community at Duke Divinity is amazing. Some days I wonder what the hell I'm doing here--at DUKE UNIVERSITY of all places. But the majority of the time, I feel like I am exactly where I'm supposed to be (for whatever reason). I am excited about my future in ministry. Be it as a pastor, a missionary...whatever God is calling me to. I'm very excited about the future of the church, especially the United Methodist Church! There are some amazing people here who are going to be AMAZING pastors; there are visionaries who see ways in which the UMC is failing and who are ready to address those concerns; there are people who are going to serve as lay leaders, who will be instrumental in aiding in the education of the church. I am excited, and I hope you are too!!
I hope you all had a great Thanksgiving! Prayers to my fellow seminarians who have papers to write and finals to study for!!
All my love,
Corey:)
Oh my! How time flies by (when you're having fun?)....
haha, I am having a GREAT time at Duke Divinity School! I never would have thought I could have felt so at home in a place that was so far away from home. I guess that depends on how you define home. For so many years I defined it by where my parents were (and in so many ways it will always be defined that way) but the definition of home, for me, is so much more than that. My home isn't just my street address where I grew up. Home isn't just Jacksonville, Arkansas. Home, for me, definitely includes a LOT of people. My parents are the foundation of that. My brother and sister are also a part of that foundation. The next layer consists of my close friends--the truly close ones who know most everything about me. This layer also includes some of the mentors in my life, who will never admit they know me as well as they do! :) And then, there's my church family--the Jacksonville First United Methodist Church community of which I was raised and in so many ways formed. Then there are others who I may have had an encounter with only once or a few times who have impacted me, both directly and indirectly.
When I first got to North Carolina, I have to admit, I was pretty miserable. It was a huge adjustment and I'm not sure I had fully prepared myself to take on this journey--this new chapter in my life. I felt lonely, misunderstood, depressed, angry, excited, etc. To be honest, I'm not sure I fully understood who I was a few months ago (and I think I'm still in the process of figuring all of that out). For so long in my life, I never had to define who I was. I had forever been defined by the people in my life. I did not have to define myself because everyone around me was doing that for me. I defined myself based on how others viewed me (which led to some unhealthy, unhappy, and inaccurate views of myself). I think I began to feel a part of this "identity crisis" after some of my weight loss--I was no longer being defined by the way I looked and I knew that God had never defined me by what I looked like on the outside, but that God had forever been searching my heart. I've come to realize that on a whole new level, since being in NC. This brings me back to the definition of home. While Jacksonville, Arkansas will always be home, I have found and come to realize that my true home is in Jesus Christ. That wherever I go, as long as Christ is in my heart, I will always be where I'm supposed to be--I will always be home. Right now, home is Durham, North Carolina. And will be for at least the next two and a half years. (I can't believe I'm almost done with semester uno of seminary!!!)
I had the opportunity to visit some of my family that I have in North Carolina a few weeks ago. I spent the weekend with my aunt and uncle--what a great reminder of what family really is; that no matter the distance, or how many times you've seen each other in your lifetime, that family is family--a kind of love that doesn't go away. A kind of love that's natural. And a sense of warmth and a touch of what has always made home, well home. It was a great visit and was definitely a great part in making me feel more at home here. I am looking forward to many more opportunities to visit them in the future! (Thank you Uncle Keith and Aunt Diane for letting me stay with you, for treating me so well, for feeding me, and for taking me "grocery shopping!!")
I have found that God provides in some crazy, insane, annoying, yet amazing, exciting, and refreshing ways!! I always underestimate the power and grace of God (silly me, I know!)--but I do! All the time. I wouldn't say I'm one of those people that hates relying on others, but I will admit to sometimes being stubborn and wanting to do things on my own, that I forget that's not possible. None of where I'm at now would have been possible without God. Without my (almost) complete reliance and trust in God. There's no way I could have done what I've done in the last three months if it weren't for God's grace, God's love, and God's "hands" working in my life.
I am truly blessed and have so much to be thankful for!!!
In two days, I will be celebrating 23 years of life!!! This would not be possible without the determination and strength of my mother and father, who fought and tried for so long to have children. My mom has never given up on me--even before I was born, she never gave up. I am so grateful and owe most of who I am to my mom. I wouldn't have wanted any other mom than the one God blessed me with (I wouldn't have always said that, just for the record!). If I can one day be half the mother to my future children that my mom was to me, my brother and my sister, I'll still be doing great! Words cannot express the gratitude, the love, and the appreciation I have for my mom. Love you, mom!
Last week, when I was home for Thanksgiving, the first person I saw upon getting out of my vehicle at church was Fran Cotten. I am so thankful for people like Fran. She's the sweetest lady I think I have ever met in my life. She's only a part of what has made JFUMC home for so many years. There are definitely others there that have impacted me--the truth is there are way too many to name. What I know of the church comes from this particular church. And what I know about God comes from the people of this church--some of whom are still there and some who are no serving elsewhere. There have been many people who have been transformational and very, very formative in my faith (and continue to be). For those people (especially to the ones who put up with me and never gave up on my when I was a youth)--THANK YOU.
I have been extremely lucky in that I've gotten to visit with most of my close friends both trips back to AR. Words can't express how much they have been there for me the past few months, even though I am 850+ miles away from them. They make my heart happy and I'm so glad they've been apart of my life for as long as they have. What a blessing they all are!
I have also been extremely lucky with the friend-pool here. Lucky? Ehh...Extremely blessed!! While I will admit that I am still meeting some pretty amazing people, I was definitely blessed in the spiritual formation group area! Most of the people in that group have become some of my closest and dearest friends here. They have been more supportive, encouraging, and loving than I knew I was going to need in the first three months of seminary--so thank you, friends (you know who you are!). I'm telling you--with the group of people I have surrounding me here, there is no doubt in my mind that God doesn't provide for us the things we need when we need them--even before we know we need them!
I am seriously loving seminary more than I thought I ever would. I know, I'm ridiculous! I have pretty much known (although I never admitted it) that I would attend seminary since I was 12 years old. But seriously--it's hard, hard work. Lots of studying: there's always more to be read and always another paper that can be written. But it's AWESOME. and the community at Duke Divinity is amazing. Some days I wonder what the hell I'm doing here--at DUKE UNIVERSITY of all places. But the majority of the time, I feel like I am exactly where I'm supposed to be (for whatever reason). I am excited about my future in ministry. Be it as a pastor, a missionary...whatever God is calling me to. I'm very excited about the future of the church, especially the United Methodist Church! There are some amazing people here who are going to be AMAZING pastors; there are visionaries who see ways in which the UMC is failing and who are ready to address those concerns; there are people who are going to serve as lay leaders, who will be instrumental in aiding in the education of the church. I am excited, and I hope you are too!!
I hope you all had a great Thanksgiving! Prayers to my fellow seminarians who have papers to write and finals to study for!!
All my love,
Corey:)
9.28.2012
5 down...
WOOHOO!!! just completed week 5 of classes!!!
I think i'm finally starting to get the hang of things--I know what's expected of me and what to expect...feels kind of nice. Last week I turned in THREE papers!!! (the first papers of the semester for me)...definitely a milestone. Once I completed my papers I felt a since of accomplishment--Alright, I can do this! We'll see how I feel about that once I get the other two back (first one scored a 98! Thank you, Bishop Willimon, although I'm not quite sure how seriously to take your grading scale, but thank you for your grace, nonetheless!)
Grace. What a great word. And there's certainly lots of it here at DDS!
I am LOVING classes..I'm not sure I am getting all the information I need to be getting, but I'm loving it nonetheless. Not only are the classes great, but the community is pretty amazing. The professors and staff are amazing. And my fellow classmates are awesome (and 2nd and 3rd years too!)
I have been attending Duke Memorial UMC since being here, and have come to really enjoy it. Although, it is definitely NOT JFUMC or any other church in Arkansas.
Speaking of Arkansas--I had lunch today with Sara, Todd, Dane (other Arkansas students here!) and Paul (we're trying to get him to Arkansas)...Roy and Sandy Smith were in the area, so we had lunch with them. (Roy is pastor at Russellville and also serves on the dCOM). I have to admit that I was a little hesitant about it at first, but it turned out to be a really great conversation time and was reaffirming in so many ways. I just love Arkansas!!! However, North Carolina is beginning to feel more comfortable (I would like to add that I DO have family here...NC has always felt like a (distant) second home to me).
I am really appreciating my classes and my professors and definitely feel like I am where I'm supposed to be (although I think I question that at least 10 times a day!) Anyhow, these books aren't going to read themselves!!!
Here are just a few things I have learned this week at the Divinity School! Enjoy!
In order “to achieve the life of contemplation, you must
avoid women and bishops.” –Dr. Smith, Church History professor
“You can take the people out of Egypt, but you can’t take
the Egypt out of the people.”- Dr. Chapman, Old Testament professor
“Jesus is my bridegroom, not my boyfriend” –Dr. Smith
“Horses sweat, men perspire, and women glow”- Dr. Chapman in
reference to his mother
Much love,
Corey
9.06.2012
sort of an update/mostly random thoughts of my mind.
[unedited].
Well...the second week of classes are almost over...I'm not sure how I feel. There is so much information being poured out to us, that it is difficult to consume it all, maybe even impossible. I'm getting used to my professors and their styles of teaching, etc.
...Trying to get used to everything. I have met so many great people here at Duke Divinity, and I can tell that there are going to be some life-long relationships built over the next three years. This process has thus far been overwhelming, exciting, scary, etc. I suspect the next three years will be filled with these same feelings...
There have been many times when I've wanted to climb in my car, get to 40 west, and never look back. I'd also like to say that for every one time I have felt like that, there have been about 20 reasons not to do it. The ways in which God has moved in my life since being in Durham has been amazing..yes I'm continually amazed at the amazing grace and love of God. I find that when I need something, I mean really need something, that God has always fulfilled that need for me. He has never left me alone and has never failed me. Even when I didn't realize it at the time, God has never failed me, despite the countless number of times I have failed him. God's grace is so much bigger than my failure.
I have, many times, doubted the reason I am at DDS. "Seriously God, what the hell am I doing here?" A question I have asked myself several times a day; and a question that I have found answered in a multitude of ways. Not that God has audibly said "well dummy, because I have called you here..." but that through Scripture, through professors, through prayer, through words of friends, and yes even through a butterfly (several times actually) he has answered me. (I know what you're all thinking--what was God thinking, choosing her?--don't worry, I am sharing with you know that I wonder the same thing!). I feel as if I am inadequate to the "Duke standard"--whatever that may be. I feel as if I am inadequate to perform the academic functions that are necessary. I feel as if I am inadequate to perform the spiritual disciplines well enough. I feel as if I am inadequate in every aspect of my being.
Last weekend (Labor Day weekend), I had the awesome opportunity of being able to have my parents come in from Arkansas and travel to Greenville, NC to visit my dad's side of the family. What a blessing. Seriously, I never realized how awesome family could be. Went to my first "family reunion" which was interestingly awkward, to say the least. Let's just say I was introduced to everyone as a Duke Divinity student who is "carrying on a family tradition that [I] wasn't fully aware of." Which is true, I had no idea there were ANY pastors in my family...who would have thought that some of them would be United Methodists and graduated from Duke Divinity? Weird. :) Anyways, being with them this weekend definitely helped in making North Carolina feel like home for a little bit. Who knows, maybe this Tyson girl will "come back" home. haha we'll see.
This week, during my Spiritual Formation Group meeting time, we practiced Lectio Divina (you read, meditate, pray and contemplate Scripture). This week our Scripture was Psalm 23 (one of my favs!) I had never done lectio divina before (I will now!!!)..As we were praying through the Psalm, the words "I shall not want"really spoke to me. Really? of all the really cool and poetic statements in this Psalm, what I needed to hear was "I shall not want?"..but as I began to meditate on this, I realized that it really was what I needed to hear. It's not about what I want, ultimately it is about God's will for my life and whether or not I am willing to trust and obey or if I'm going to fight it with my constant excuses, doubts, fears and insecurities. It doesn't matter how badly I want to hop in my car and drive to 40 west home, never looking back...God's need, the church's, the world's needs are so much greater than any of my wants. "I shall not want" because God is taking care of my needs.
Anyways, back to my studying I go. I do apologize for the randomness of this, but this is what ya get!! :D
As always, thanks for the prayers, love and encouragement you all have given me. <3
All my love,
Corey
Well...the second week of classes are almost over...I'm not sure how I feel. There is so much information being poured out to us, that it is difficult to consume it all, maybe even impossible. I'm getting used to my professors and their styles of teaching, etc.
...Trying to get used to everything. I have met so many great people here at Duke Divinity, and I can tell that there are going to be some life-long relationships built over the next three years. This process has thus far been overwhelming, exciting, scary, etc. I suspect the next three years will be filled with these same feelings...
There have been many times when I've wanted to climb in my car, get to 40 west, and never look back. I'd also like to say that for every one time I have felt like that, there have been about 20 reasons not to do it. The ways in which God has moved in my life since being in Durham has been amazing..yes I'm continually amazed at the amazing grace and love of God. I find that when I need something, I mean really need something, that God has always fulfilled that need for me. He has never left me alone and has never failed me. Even when I didn't realize it at the time, God has never failed me, despite the countless number of times I have failed him. God's grace is so much bigger than my failure.
I have, many times, doubted the reason I am at DDS. "Seriously God, what the hell am I doing here?" A question I have asked myself several times a day; and a question that I have found answered in a multitude of ways. Not that God has audibly said "well dummy, because I have called you here..." but that through Scripture, through professors, through prayer, through words of friends, and yes even through a butterfly (several times actually) he has answered me. (I know what you're all thinking--what was God thinking, choosing her?--don't worry, I am sharing with you know that I wonder the same thing!). I feel as if I am inadequate to the "Duke standard"--whatever that may be. I feel as if I am inadequate to perform the academic functions that are necessary. I feel as if I am inadequate to perform the spiritual disciplines well enough. I feel as if I am inadequate in every aspect of my being.
Last weekend (Labor Day weekend), I had the awesome opportunity of being able to have my parents come in from Arkansas and travel to Greenville, NC to visit my dad's side of the family. What a blessing. Seriously, I never realized how awesome family could be. Went to my first "family reunion" which was interestingly awkward, to say the least. Let's just say I was introduced to everyone as a Duke Divinity student who is "carrying on a family tradition that [I] wasn't fully aware of." Which is true, I had no idea there were ANY pastors in my family...who would have thought that some of them would be United Methodists and graduated from Duke Divinity? Weird. :) Anyways, being with them this weekend definitely helped in making North Carolina feel like home for a little bit. Who knows, maybe this Tyson girl will "come back" home. haha we'll see.
This week, during my Spiritual Formation Group meeting time, we practiced Lectio Divina (you read, meditate, pray and contemplate Scripture). This week our Scripture was Psalm 23 (one of my favs!) I had never done lectio divina before (I will now!!!)..As we were praying through the Psalm, the words "I shall not want"really spoke to me. Really? of all the really cool and poetic statements in this Psalm, what I needed to hear was "I shall not want?"..but as I began to meditate on this, I realized that it really was what I needed to hear. It's not about what I want, ultimately it is about God's will for my life and whether or not I am willing to trust and obey or if I'm going to fight it with my constant excuses, doubts, fears and insecurities. It doesn't matter how badly I want to hop in my car and drive to 40 west home, never looking back...God's need, the church's, the world's needs are so much greater than any of my wants. "I shall not want" because God is taking care of my needs.
Anyways, back to my studying I go. I do apologize for the randomness of this, but this is what ya get!! :D
As always, thanks for the prayers, love and encouragement you all have given me. <3
All my love,
Corey
8.21.2012
SEMINARY. drive/loneliness/pre-orientation
So, I have arrived safely in Durham at Duke University.
This has probably been one of the hardest things I've ever done. I picked up and left everyone and everything I know behind in Arkansas. I'd be lying if I told you I have adjusted easily. I haven't.
The drive here wasn't too bad. I did 10.5 hours on Sunday and the remaining 3.5 on Monday.
I arrived, got the key to my apartment, and met my roommate (who is super sweet!). Then the unpacking process began. I believe I cried every 5-10 minutes as I unpacked all of my stuff, thinking about all the people I am going to miss. I've never felt so lonely. As I got to one of the last boxes, I unpacked my prayers shawl I had been given by Jacksonville First United Methodist Church and immediately I felt a warm presence. I have felt the love and prayers of everyone the past few days and I couldn't be more thankful for them and the people praying them. I am so blessed to have such an awesome support system of loving, encouraging, and caring people in Arkansas who are rooting me on just as God is rooting me on!!
Today, I got up and it wasn't long before I was crying again. So I decided I need to leave my apartment. And I am SO GLAD I did!! I took a walk/bus to West Campus (where the chapel, bryant center, and pretty much everything is). I found a seat at a bakery on campus and read some in a book, I walked around campus for a little bit. Again, I'm glad I did..I smiled and began to feel like things were going to be okay (as I know they are)..my soul calmed down a little bit.
The loneliness hasn't gone away yet (I don't suspect it will for a week or so) but I have come to peace with knowing I'm never truly alone. And I know I have a TON of people back home who are praying for me.
I had dinner with my roommate and a neighbor last night, which was awesome!
Tonight I am meeting a DDS classmate who I have been talking with via email/facebook--definitely looking forward to that!
Tomorrow begins orientation, which I am super super anxious (mostly excited) about!!
I'll update later! Thanks again for all the prayers and support, for your love and encouragement! Until next time, here are some photos of my trip!
This has probably been one of the hardest things I've ever done. I picked up and left everyone and everything I know behind in Arkansas. I'd be lying if I told you I have adjusted easily. I haven't.
The drive here wasn't too bad. I did 10.5 hours on Sunday and the remaining 3.5 on Monday.
I arrived, got the key to my apartment, and met my roommate (who is super sweet!). Then the unpacking process began. I believe I cried every 5-10 minutes as I unpacked all of my stuff, thinking about all the people I am going to miss. I've never felt so lonely. As I got to one of the last boxes, I unpacked my prayers shawl I had been given by Jacksonville First United Methodist Church and immediately I felt a warm presence. I have felt the love and prayers of everyone the past few days and I couldn't be more thankful for them and the people praying them. I am so blessed to have such an awesome support system of loving, encouraging, and caring people in Arkansas who are rooting me on just as God is rooting me on!!
Today, I got up and it wasn't long before I was crying again. So I decided I need to leave my apartment. And I am SO GLAD I did!! I took a walk/bus to West Campus (where the chapel, bryant center, and pretty much everything is). I found a seat at a bakery on campus and read some in a book, I walked around campus for a little bit. Again, I'm glad I did..I smiled and began to feel like things were going to be okay (as I know they are)..my soul calmed down a little bit.
The loneliness hasn't gone away yet (I don't suspect it will for a week or so) but I have come to peace with knowing I'm never truly alone. And I know I have a TON of people back home who are praying for me.
I had dinner with my roommate and a neighbor last night, which was awesome!
Tonight I am meeting a DDS classmate who I have been talking with via email/facebook--definitely looking forward to that!
Tomorrow begins orientation, which I am super super anxious (mostly excited) about!!
I'll update later! Thanks again for all the prayers and support, for your love and encouragement! Until next time, here are some photos of my trip!
 |
| thankful for a beautiful drive on Sunday!! |
 |
| Look ma, I'm a seminarian!! |
 |
| It was a very uneventful drive. for the most part... |
 |
| MOUNTAINS! |
 |
| Travelled through a little bit of rain once I got into the mountains..that was umm, fun!? |
 |
| approximate miles from home. (not exact) |
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| I'M HERE! |
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| AND OFFICIALLY OFFICIAL!!! |
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| duke chapel |
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| Butterfly: Thanks for the reminder, God!!! |
All my love,
Corey
8.16.2012
Box.
(unedited).I never truly realized how much stuff I have until I started packing it into boxes. I have A LOT of stuff. And a lot of it is just that--[useless] STUFF!! While I know for a fact that I don't have as much
stuff as many people do, I definitely have more than a lot of people have in this world....While I could talk about how this process has made me realize how spoiled I am, that is not my intent (though I am somewhat embarrassed at all the stuff I own).
As I have been sorting through my stuff and packing it into boxes I have found myself frustrated trying to fit things into the boxes the best way possible, so that I get the most use out of my space. I am literally fitting my things into boxes.
So, I got to thinking about how there are many circumstances in which we try to place God in a box. (or in some peoples cases many boxes)...
The fact of the matter is, is that God is SO MUCH BIGGER than all of the stuff I have! He is bigger than any issue or problem. He is bigger and mightier than anything else in this world...what a great visual, as I am stuffing my stuff into boxes...I have SO MUCH STUFF. But even the large amount of stuff I have doesn't come close to even being close to how big our God is!!! Cool, huh?!
God is bigger than all of my doubts, my fears; He is bigger than my frustrations, my insecurities; He is bigger than my failures, my sins. In fact, there is no place that I can go to escape God's love--that's a pretty big God!!
"For the Lord your God is living among you.
He is a mighty Savior.
He will delight in you with gladness.
With his love, he will calm all your fears.
He will rejoice over you with joyful songs."
Zephaniah 3:17 (NLT)
ALL MY LOVE,
COREY
7.30.2012
Preparing.
The countdown to leaving for seminary is really beginning to hit me. Each time I look at the calendar a bit of excitement shoots through my body, as I will be on Duke University campus in just 21 days. Along with that excitement comes a bit of anxiety, fear, worry, etc. And as I look at the calendar I want to spend as much time with those I love and care about as I can, while getting things done.
There's nothing that can make this transition any easier than the love and support I know I have here at home. Family, friends, boyfriend, etc...I seem to be blessed beyond measure in this area.
I leave knowing that, while there will be many challenges (both good and bad) in my future, there are going to be many good things coming. I leave knowing that I can come back at any time. I leave knowing that I can call a number of people at any time of day and have their ear to listen, their confidence, their support, and their love. I leave knowing that I have a type of family that some never see, and for that I am so grateful. I leave knowing that I have some of the most amazing people and friends in my life who continue to support and encourage me on a daily basis; for that I will be forever grateful. I leave knowing that God is going to do some amazing things in my life over the next three years that I will spend studying at Duke University. I leave knowing that I'll be home in December!! (hah.) I leave knowing that everything is going to be okay!
Your prayers and love to me over the years have been phenomenal and I cannot thank you all for them enough...in face I don't think there are enough words to describe how grateful and thankful I am for the people I have in my life.
I ask that you continue to pray for me as I prepare to begin my journey. I will be leaving after church on August 19th and will drive as far as I can before stopping for sleep, and continuing on to arrive in Durham on August 20th.
Also, please feel free to drop me some snail mail at any time!! (i love it and save ALL OF IT!) My address for this year is:
Corey Tyson
301 Swift Avenue #24
Durham, NC 27705
Love to all,
Corey
7.02.2012
emotional distance
My heart feels very heavy tonight as I think about the
future. Not just about what the next few months hold, but the next few years,
the next few decades. While I do not know what will happen in the future and I
am not one to plan out every detail, I am one who likes to have a general idea
of where things are going.
In just 7 weeks I will be settling into my apartment at Duke
University. Yes, its 14 hours away from “home.” Yes, I’m going alone. I’m
nervous, scared, and excited all at once. I find that every day it gets harder
to hide my sorrow and show my excitement. Every day I wake up wondering if the
journey I’m about to begin is what’s right. Yet every day I am reminded that I
am heading in the direction I’m supposed to; the direction in which God is leading
me in. As each day goes by my anxiety gets worse, but I have found much comfort
through prayer. I have moments when I feel lonely and my cry for help is
smothered by pride; I feel as if I am beginning to distance myself from the
people I love—I don’t want to do that.
I am very much excited about the next 7 weeks and spending
time with family, friends, and working at JFUMC. I feel incredibly blessed to
be surrounded by and loved by so many amazing people. I have learned so much
from so many amazing individuals.
I am also VERY much excited about the next three years; my
seminary studies, internship experience, and the relationships I am going to
build. About the adventures and roads God will lead me down. I’m just
plain-freaking-excited!!!!
I have a lot of concerns with current relationships—not only
because of the distance but because of other circumstances as well. I’m
learning to take things day-by-day, to pray, and to rely on God more fully.I was reminded of a prayer I had prayed just over a year ago when someone I know brought it to my attention through her blog….Among other things I prayed that God would take me out of my comfort zone…HAHA. Our God definitely has a sense of humor….boy is he taking me out of it…14 hours away from anyone I know, completely alone, beginning a completely new journey…
I have moments that I trust more than others, but I do truly
trust that the hand of God will guide me in all directions of life; I just have
to be willing to follow.
I really appreciate everyone’s prayers and support--there
are some moments when I rely on nothing else to embrace me. I can’t wait to
share the next part of my journey with you all!
<3
GP&L,
6.12.2012
Headed to...
Duke.
That's right, in August I will be headed to Durham, NC to begin my seminary studies at Duke Divinity School...AND ON A SCHOLARSHIP!!! Again, you heard it right. Duke has offered me the Dean's Scholarship which pays for 75% of my tuition!! I am very excited about this decision, and although I'm not looking forward to the distance and the drive, I feel I am making the best decision for myself and my seminary education. I just have to find a place to live!! HAHA! I do wish it was a little closer to home, but I feel this is THE RIGHT decision. Although, I don't think I could have made a wrong one, regardless of my choice. I do feel I will be happier at Duke than at SMU. And, I do have family within 15 minutes-1.5 hours away!
I just returned from our trip to South Carolina and North Carolina. It was a wonderful (and tiring) trip. We started off going through Tennessee, Mississippi, Alabama, Georgia, and found our way to South Carolina. After spending a couple days visiting one of my mom's brothers and his family, we headed to Charleston, and then made our way to Durham. My visit to Duke was wonderful!! After visiting Duke, we spent the weekend a couple hours east of Durham with my dad's family. It was awesome getting to see everyone after such a long time.
Here are some photos from my visit to Duke! The rest are on Facebook!!!
That's right, in August I will be headed to Durham, NC to begin my seminary studies at Duke Divinity School...AND ON A SCHOLARSHIP!!! Again, you heard it right. Duke has offered me the Dean's Scholarship which pays for 75% of my tuition!! I am very excited about this decision, and although I'm not looking forward to the distance and the drive, I feel I am making the best decision for myself and my seminary education. I just have to find a place to live!! HAHA! I do wish it was a little closer to home, but I feel this is THE RIGHT decision. Although, I don't think I could have made a wrong one, regardless of my choice. I do feel I will be happier at Duke than at SMU. And, I do have family within 15 minutes-1.5 hours away!
I just returned from our trip to South Carolina and North Carolina. It was a wonderful (and tiring) trip. We started off going through Tennessee, Mississippi, Alabama, Georgia, and found our way to South Carolina. After spending a couple days visiting one of my mom's brothers and his family, we headed to Charleston, and then made our way to Durham. My visit to Duke was wonderful!! After visiting Duke, we spent the weekend a couple hours east of Durham with my dad's family. It was awesome getting to see everyone after such a long time.
Here are some photos from my visit to Duke! The rest are on Facebook!!!
5.21.2012
life update. seminary announcement :)
Man. I'm exhausted.
The last time I posted was almost two months ago. and much has happened...let's just go in order--here's a quick overview of the past couple months.
Graduation was Saturday, and I must say, it was an amazing feeling to be the first in my immediate family to walk across the stage...And to have my family, Michael, and a few close friends there to celebrate it with me. There are so many blessings in my life...I'm so thankful I am able to recognize them... 
The last time I posted was almost two months ago. and much has happened...let's just go in order--here's a quick overview of the past couple months.
Right after I posted this blog (April 3 to be exact) Michael Hoffmann asked me to be his girlfriend, and I am SO GLAD I said yes. He's the sweetest thing and I really feel God brought the two of us together. He is very much supportive, caring, loving, and very patient; I feel incredibly blessed to have him in my life.
<3
As the end of the semester approached, I found myself busy with projects and studying for tests; but alas the end of the semester finally came....and then I realized it was MY LAST semester at UALR as an undergraduate student...
Graduation was Saturday, and I must say, it was an amazing feeling to be the first in my immediate family to walk across the stage...And to have my family, Michael, and a few close friends there to celebrate it with me. There are so many blessings in my life...I'm so thankful I am able to recognize them... 
After having lunch with my family, Michael, and Dillon we had a celebration at the church. I'll say it again--I am EXTREMELY blessed to have so many people in my life who support me, encourage me, and love me.
One of the coolest things happened at my celebration--I was presented a prayer shawl from our church. This is an amazing, amazing ministry. As Fran Cotten placed the shawl around me, I could feel the prayers that had been prayed over it; as if every stitch that had been prayed was being transferred to me. It was a very special moment, and I was glad to share it with some very, very special people.
I cannot wait to begin my seminary education...I am very excited to announce that I have been accepted to Duke Divinity School....I am also very, very excited to announce that I have been offered the Dean's Scholarship which would cover 75% of tuition.
Many of you know that I visited SMU a couple of months ago and really liked what I saw...Needless to say, making this decision (again) isn't going to be easy especially since both are very good schools--I cannot make a wrong decision in whatever I decide. I will be making a trip to North Carolina within the next couple of weeks to visit Duke...I am VERY excited about this opportunity and cannot wait to make a decision and announce it to all of you...I am anxious. I will be posting an update in a few weeks that will announce my final decision....Your prayers are very much appreciated.
One of the coolest things happened at my celebration--I was presented a prayer shawl from our church. This is an amazing, amazing ministry. As Fran Cotten placed the shawl around me, I could feel the prayers that had been prayed over it; as if every stitch that had been prayed was being transferred to me. It was a very special moment, and I was glad to share it with some very, very special people.
I cannot wait to begin my seminary education...I am very excited to announce that I have been accepted to Duke Divinity School....I am also very, very excited to announce that I have been offered the Dean's Scholarship which would cover 75% of tuition.
Many of you know that I visited SMU a couple of months ago and really liked what I saw...Needless to say, making this decision (again) isn't going to be easy especially since both are very good schools--I cannot make a wrong decision in whatever I decide. I will be making a trip to North Carolina within the next couple of weeks to visit Duke...I am VERY excited about this opportunity and cannot wait to make a decision and announce it to all of you...I am anxious. I will be posting an update in a few weeks that will announce my final decision....Your prayers are very much appreciated.
Until next time,
with much love,
C
4.02.2012
two year update!..
God is so good!!!!
(Disclaimer: This has not been edited for grammer/spelling! LOL)
Here's the link for my one year update which has pictures from the beginning (for those of you who haven't read it, I encourage you to read it. For those of you who have read it, read it again if you like!)
http://coalty.blogspot.com/2011/04/miracles-come-in-many-different-forms.html
Here are a couple of photos of what I looked like a few years ago, just so you have them for comparison.
(Disclaimer: This has not been edited for grammer/spelling! LOL)
Two years—WOW! I can’t believe it’s really been two years
since my surgery. If you had asked me two years ago where I saw myself I
definitely would not have described to you the amazing life I am now living.
I don’t even know where to begin. The past year has been
filled with many ups and downs as I continued to lose weight. Mostly ups, with
a few downs along the way—let’s face it, we all know life isn’t perfect.
Since losing the weight my attitude and general appreciation
for life has become much more positive. I feel better; I have a lot more
energy; I’m happier than I’ve ever been before. In fact, I didn’t know it was
possible to be THIS happy.
Somewhere along in all of this I’ve been able to truly
embrace whom I believe God has called me to be. I’m in the process of answering
my call and while I know this will be a lifelong process, I believe I am on the
right path and that it is truly God who directs my steps. I can’t tell you what
an amazing feeling all of this has been. As my weight came off, so did the
emotional walls I had built up. I’ve been able to accept other’s love for me
(something I tended to push away before). I can’t even begin to describe to you
the amount of love I have in my life coming from others. Because of this I feel
I’ve become more loving towards others. Most importantly and what keeps me
going is that I know the love that God has for me; that God sees me as a
beautiful young lady; that I was created for a specific and unique purpose;
that He rejoices when I am faithful to Him. Friends, let me tell you that since
truly RESPONDING to the free love and grace that God has offered us, my life
has been extremely different. I have seen God move a countless number of
ways, just in the last 6 months (not to mention the past 2 years…past 22
years). I truly believe that when you are faithful to Him, He responds in
faithfulness. This doesn’t mean that everything is going to go your way.
Jeremiah 29:11 puts us in check. God has plan for us—not our plan, but HIS
plan.
I’ve never felt so loved and cared for than I do right now—I
am surrounded by a great family, a wonderful community of Christians, and I’ve
got to have the most outstanding and amazing friends in the entire universe.
I look at myself in the mirror and smile when I see my
reflection; I am a beautiful and wonderful creation of God—there’s nothing
anything or anyone can do about that!! What a wonderful concept to finally
realize as TRUTH!
I hope and pray that those of you who know me well have seen
the transformation that has taken place over the past two years. I feel
incredibly blessed with the people who are active in my life. I am seriously
blessed beyond any kind of reason.
So….
Here are the numbers.
I’ve lost a total of 164 lbs!!!!!!!! Crazy, huh?!!
Last time I measured myself, which was about a month or two
ago I had lost about 72 inches.
So, since this time last year I’ve lost another 29 lbs and
at least another 12 inches.
God is good, no?!
Here's the link for my one year update which has pictures from the beginning (for those of you who haven't read it, I encourage you to read it. For those of you who have read it, read it again if you like!)
http://coalty.blogspot.com/2011/04/miracles-come-in-many-different-forms.html
Here are a couple of photos of what I looked like a few years ago, just so you have them for comparison.
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| Summer 2008 |
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| September 2009 |
3.22.2012
SMU Perkins School of Theology Visit!
I am excited beyond belief. SMU's campus is BEAUTIFUL and my experience at Perkins School of Theology yesterday was nothing short of AMAZING!
I'm going to make this short because I want to be able to tell those who are close to me about my experience in person. I will highlight a few of the exciting things that happened on my trip.
Pre-SMU: Around Dallas
I'm going to make this short because I want to be able to tell those who are close to me about my experience in person. I will highlight a few of the exciting things that happened on my trip.
Pre-SMU: Around Dallas
- First of all, I was really impressed with the area of Dallas that surrounds SMU; I wasn't expecting it to be as nice as it was.
- I know how to get to Walmart, Target & Kohls--I will survive!
- That awkward moment where you're wearing a Razorback t-shirt and you walk into an all University of Texas fan shop--yeah it happened. Next time I'm bring in 10 friends and we're calling the hogs!
- First time visiting a Cheesecake Factory--it's a good thing I can't afford to do that very often because my slice of the white chocolate caramel macadamia nut was REALLY REALLY good!
- BTW, Walmart has a SAM's club located directly underneath it with an escalator directing you towards it.
SMU Perkins Visit:
- Campus is BEAUTIFUL!
- The staff was absolutely WONDERFUL, informative, and helpful
- The students I cam in contact with were very welcoming and excited to see a perspective student.
- The Bridwell Library is going to be my favorite place to study. It houses approx. 400,000 items related to theology and religion (my dream come true!) This includes ancient and rare findings dating back to early Christianity. We had the privilege of viewing an exhibit on religious books for children that dated back to the 17th century. (I'll have more photos on Facebook). Here's a link if you want to check it out online (http://www.smu.edu/Bridwell/Collections/SpecialCollectionsandArchives/Exhibitions/Childrens%20Books)
- Upon leaving the exhibit, as we were on our way to Chapel, I had the opportunity to meet and talk with the Dean of Perkins, Dr. Lawrence.
- i LOVE PERKINS already!!
- i'm definitely excited at the fact that the gym has a 40 ft climbing wall--SUPER EXCITED!
:))
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