miracles come in many different forms.

WOW. So it's really been a year--a full 365 days since my weight loss journey began! It actually began a little before that, but April 2nd marks the one year anniversary since my gastric bypass surgery.

Let me pause there for a second and say that I REALLY struggled as to whether or not to put out there my "secret"..but if I can impact someone else to make a decision that could potentially save their life, and yes I believe this process saved my life-in more than just one way, then it's something that needs to be shared. What I had done isn't for everybody. And let me tell you--IT HAS NOT BEEN EASY..yes it certainly helped and guided the weight loss, but this has been a hard year for me-physically, emotionally and spiritually. But I'm happy to report that my life has been changed because of this and that I have a lot more of a positive attitude and outlook on life. My eating habits have changed, my activity and energy level has increased and I am generally happy. 

The procedure was done laprascopically.
5 incisions 

I believe this is about the 20th time I had been stuck by the IV needle-for those of you who have never had an IV put in-count your blessings. Count your blessings even more if you've never had one taken out-it's worse. Anyways the IV started out in my left had...this is a photo of my right hand. LOL

So..before I reveal the photos (I really hope you all are taking time to read this instead of just looking through the photos, because I feel what I have to say is fairly important)... This past year was definitely a year of change and transformation for me. The most obvious change is, of course, my physical body. Yes, I've shed quite a bit of pounds, and inches upon inches literally disappeared. But my emotional, mental and spiritual being changed as well. And I know they went hand in hand with one another. As the weight came off, I began to see myself for who I really was. I now look at myself and see a beautiful child of God-this wasn't anything close to how I felt about myself even a year ago. God used my time of physical transformation to transform my spirit and my mind.  

I was talking to one of my best friends on Facebook today and was updating him on all of this.  He's always been one of my biggest supporters, cheering me on and I cannot thank God enough for him. (Hope you know who you are!) LOVE YOU!

Anyways, I found it hard to love myself-I wasn't happy internally, and it showed physically-I literally ate my emotions. For any of you that have ever dealt with this, you sort of know what I'm talking about. Food had become a comforter for me...but even more than that, it had become a sin, a barrier in my life; I was letting it keep me from a full relationship with God. Through this process I have been able to at least begin to love myself (unfortunately emotional and psychological healing takes longer than physical weight loss, in my case)..but there's no need to worry! I'm happy and healthy. Before all of this change happened, I found it really hard to love myself; afterall, I had pretty much been told my whole life by unnamed individuals that I wasn't worthy of being loved and that I was some of the worst things possible--so after being told things for so long, I began to internalize them and to believe them (yes, I now know those things to not be true). As I was looking at myself in the mirror one day, within the past few months, I was looking through pictures of myself over a year ago. And I couldn't help but be ashamed and embarrassed that I had let my life get out of control that much. And I wondered how anyone could love me then. And here I was struggling, still struggling with loving myself. It's amazing when God speaks to you. And this was one of those moments where I could just hear a soft voice inside of me say: "Corey, I've always loved you. Before you were born, when you doubted me, when you suffered for me, when you were at your heaviest, and Corey-I still love you now. I'm always going to love you. NOTHING could ever change that." You guys, that's the BEST part of it all! I may not have been able to love myself, which in turn I pushed people away or settled for relationships because I didn't think I was good enough for something better....God never stopped loving me.  

So here's where I stand as of April 2, 2011:

I have lost a total of about 135 lbs!

I have lost just over 60 inches all over.

SO...here are the "before and after" photos you've all been waiting for! :))) Thank you all for your support, encouragement and for your prayers throughout all of this. I am truly Blessed to be loved by so many amazing, amazing people. God is so good, y'all

Before surgery...nervous.

In the hospital. Ready for a shower.
First "meal" in three days,
 if you can call ice chips a meal!

OKAY, HERE YOU GO!!!!!!! :)

     

I still cannot believe it's been a year. I seriously do not recognize the girl in the "April 5, 2010" photos. I definitely had a distorted body image because I NEVER saw myself as being that big....

This has been an amazing journey so far--AND I'M NOT FINISHED! I cannot wait to continue on this journey and to see how God will use me in the days to come!

Grace, Peace, & Love

Core <3