emotional distance

My heart feels very heavy tonight as I think about the future. Not just about what the next few months hold, but the next few years, the next few decades. While I do not know what will happen in the future and I am not one to plan out every detail, I am one who likes to have a general idea of where things are going.

In just 7 weeks I will be settling into my apartment at Duke University. Yes, its 14 hours away from “home.” Yes, I’m going alone. I’m nervous, scared, and excited all at once. I find that every day it gets harder to hide my sorrow and show my excitement. Every day I wake up wondering if the journey I’m about to begin is what’s right. Yet every day I am reminded that I am heading in the direction I’m supposed to; the direction in which God is leading me in. As each day goes by my anxiety gets worse, but I have found much comfort through prayer. I have moments when I feel lonely and my cry for help is smothered by pride; I feel as if I am beginning to distance myself from the people I love—I don’t want to do that.

I am very much excited about the next 7 weeks and spending time with family, friends, and working at JFUMC. I feel incredibly blessed to be surrounded by and loved by so many amazing people. I have learned so much from so many amazing individuals.

I am also VERY much excited about the next three years; my seminary studies, internship experience, and the relationships I am going to build. About the adventures and roads God will lead me down. I’m just plain-freaking-excited!!!!

I have a lot of concerns with current relationships—not only because of the distance but because of other circumstances as well. I’m learning to take things day-by-day, to pray, and to rely on God more fully.

I was reminded of a prayer I had prayed just over a year ago when someone I know brought it to my attention through her blog….Among other things I prayed that God would take me out of my comfort zone…HAHA. Our God definitely has a sense of humor….boy is he taking me out of it…14 hours away from anyone I know, completely alone, beginning a completely new journey…

I have moments that I trust more than others, but I do truly trust that the hand of God will guide me in all directions of life; I just have to be willing to follow.

I really appreciate everyone’s prayers and support--there are some moments when I rely on nothing else to embrace me. I can’t wait to share the next part of my journey with you all!

<3

GP&L,

 

C