where you go, i'll go.

Maybe one day I will get up enough courage, or whatever you want to call it, to publish online my call story. But it's something really personal and not something I've shared with a lot of people. It's definitely something I am more comfortable with, but not something I'm willing to risk getting hurt over.

Actually, I'm not sure it's something I'll ever share on the internet for anyone and everyone to see...maybe one day I'll write a book about it and my journey with God. I'd rather people ask me about it. It's something exciting and personal that I have the opportunity to share with others. And it does excite me when people ask me to tell them my story. But it also scares me. It's not exactly the first thing you go to tell someone, at least for me it's not. It becomes a barrier, a conversation stopper because most people don't know how to react or what to say. And that's okay--I don't expect everyone to be as excited about it as I am. But I want people to know that it is okay to ask me about it, just  make sure we have plenty of time if you want to hear the long version ;).

That brings me to what's been laying so heavily on my heart lately. My call.

This part of my journey in life has brought me a lot to be thankful for, a lot to be happy about. It's also brought me a lot of sorrow, confusion and many things to question. When I say it has brought me sorrow, I don't mean it in a bad way. I mean it in a healthy and therapeutic way.  There's joy to be found through sorrow and peace to be found in the confusion. I know that doesn't mean I'm always going to have answers or that everything's always going to be perfect. In fact, I'm pretty sure I'm always going to have more questions than I have answers to and that perfection doesn't exist. But that's okay.

"I give you a new commandment, that you love one another. Just as I have loved you, you also should love one another." John 13:34 (NRSV)

God has taken me on an amazing journey in my 21 years of life and I know that He has so much more to show me and for me to experience. I pray that I can find confidence in my call and in telling others about how falling in love with Jesus has changed my life. I pray for peace amongst confusion and joy in times of sorrow. I pray especially for discernment. Even though it's scary, I'm very excited to see where God is going to lead me throughout the rest of  my life. I'm excited to meet new people and to build on the relationships I have already made. To have more compassion and to love more. To learn. To love. And to grow.

“I have called you by name, from the very beginning. You are mine and I am yours. You are my Beloved, on you my favor rests. I have molded you in the depths of the earth and knitted you together in your mother’s womb. I have carved you in the palms of my hands and hidden you in the shadow of my embrace. I look at you with infinite tenderness and care for you with a care more intimate than that of a mother for her child. I have counted every hair on your head and guided you at every step. Wherever you go, I go with you, and wherever you rest, I keep watch. I will give you food that will satisfy all your hunger and drink that will quench all your thirst. I will not hide my face from you. You know me as your own. You belong to me. I am your father, your mother, your brother, your sister, your lover, and your spouse…yes, even your child…wherever you are I will be. Nothing will ever separate us. We are one. Every time you listen with great attentiveness to the voice that calls you the Beloved, you will discover within yourself a desire to hear that voice longer and more deeply. It is like discovering a well in the desert.  Once you have touched wet ground, you want to dig deeper.” ( Henri J.M. Nouwen, Life of the Beloved)