PRAYERS REQUESTED.. PLEASE! :)

Okay, so something has been laying heavy on my heart for a few months now. I'm not sure if this is God pushing me towards this or if this is just something that maybe I want to do..I'm just not sure if it's the right decision.


For the past few months I've been really looking into doing some mission work. For now it will have to be short term until I can finish school, so something over the summer would be ideal. About two months ago I was on the website for the General Board of Global Ministries (http://www.gbgm-umc.org/) and was looking under Youth and Young Adults and came across some mission opportunities for young adults ages 18-25. It is a 10 week program, training is in New York City. The assignment will be in the United States and the opportunities of what kind of work I will be doing is endless possibilities. A stipend of $2500 is provided, the cost of travel to and from the place of assignment and room & board  are all paid for. The only thing I have to do is tell my story with my story...cool, huh?! When I first looked two months ago, the deadline to apply was March 1, 2011 (That's TOMORROW!) Well, for some reason I was led to the website again tonight..and looked-mainly so I could get more information so I could be praying and thinking about it for next summer..Well, guess what?! The deadline has been moved to March 31, 2011!! SOOO...

You might be wondering why I'm even questioning as to if I should even apply (even if I apply, that doesn't mean I'll get a position..) And I guess I don't have a good enough answer to that question.  If this is something I decide I need to do, I need to have a few people do recommendations, so I need to make a decision this week to give those who I need recommendations/reference forms from enough time to get them in..


I don't want things that are already tentatively planned for me this summer to get in my way of this  opportunity, because an opportunity like this isn't going to be available to me much longer. 


I ask that you pray for me to take the leap of faith I know I need to take and as I make a decision;
1) whether or not to apply
2) If I do apply, that I get a position, God willing
3) that God will reveal to me what the right decision is to make
4) that I make the right decision
5) and that no matter what decision I make God uses me, as I know He will, to do what I was created to do; serve Him.


I REALLY appreciate all the prayers/thoughts concerning this.

Veritas.

Oh my, where do I even begin?

             How about the beginning? That's usually a good place to start, huh?!

Okay, so this weekend was really awesome. I spent Friday evening/night, ALL DAY SATURDAY, and Sunday morning with about 1300 (United Methodist) Youth from across the state of Arkansas at an event called  Veritas in Hot Springs, AR.  I have to admit that at the beginning of the trip, so the days prior to Friday, I wasn't very excited about going (even though when people asked, my response was of course "YES!"). I'm not sure if the lack of excitement was due to the amount of school work I would be returning to Sunday afternoon or if it was that I just wasn't excited about this event at all. Or if it was the list of things I had to get done before leaving. And I'm still not sure of the answer to that question. Anyways, as Friday approached and the "to-do" list was slowly finding things being checked off, I began to get more excited about the weekend I had ahead of me. (No, I'm not saying the list was the cause of my un--excitement....) But I was definitely able to actually think about what I was getting ready to do for the next few days and not just go. So, the excitement was growing on me and eventually reached the point of almost ridiculousness. I made a few rules for myself this weekend.

1. NO SCHOOL WORK --I was actually thinking about taking some school work with me so I could do some studying while I was away, but decided I needed the break from the academic world. 

2. MINIMAL CELL PHONE USE-- I really feel like that for the most part I stuck to this rule. I used my phone a little Friday night, I think I uploaded a photo of Worship on Saturday to Facebook (but it was too awesome not to share with everyone!)...But for the most part, I only used my cell phone to communicate with the adults/youth I was with and to check the time to make sure we were where we needed to be when we needed to be there.

3. READ GOD'S WORD-- This is something I HATE to admit, but I am horrible when it comes to picking up my Bible and reading it. I make excuses and usually find a way to avoid reading it for any length of time (yes, I'll read a few verse here and there but I, unfortunately, have not picked up my Bible to read it, to learn from it in a while)...This weekend, I read the entire Book of Matthew! along with some other verses including Psalms, Revelation, Mark and 1 Corinthians (probably more but those are the main ones)...

4. BE OPEN-- This rule meant a lot of things. To be open when I saw people I didn't care to see. To be open to a new experience (going to an event like this is so much different as an adult than it is a youth, this was my first time at Veritas as an adult!) To be open to the Holy Spirit. This weekend, I experience the Holy Spirit in a way that I've never experienced Him before. Okay, so that's partially a lie...The "feeling" I got was the same, but my understanding of it was different.

Taken from ACCYM Facebook page:
http://www.facebook.com/accym

As I stated above, the experience you get as an adult and as a youth are totally different. The socializing is different, the perceptions are different, etc. I spent the weekend making sure our youth (and others, well kinda) were where they were supposed to be, making sure our youth were behaving as they know they should, etc. Our kids were AWESOME...Anyways. the speaker, Brent Gambrell (www.brentgambrell.com) was pretty phenomenal, I thought. I know I sure did get a lot out of his messages! The band, Two Empty Chairs (www.twoemptychairs.com) was awesome! The experience of seeing the lives of youth change because of our Great and Powerful and Wonderful God was something I will never forget.

It was SO nice to get away from my crazy, busy, noisy, non-stopping, stressful life for a little bit. In fact, I would have been totally fine with staying longer...At some point in worship yesterday the thought "I could so do this" entered my thoughts..I know what this means...some of you may not, and that's okay. Ask, and I'll gladly share, if you don't get it by the time I am done with this...Any who, basically, I was referring to living a life, surrounding myself with people who are like me. Who are in love with Jesus, etc.. cutting myself off from the "real"world, so that I could live a life filled with nothing but worshiping, honoring and praising God... And then I heard this very quiet, very small but very stern voice say "Nuh-uhhhh.. That's not what you're called to do..." My first response was "Oh yeah, God? Well..what exactly are you calling me to do, because I STILL don't have an exact answer to that..." After my initial thought passed, I realized that that voice was right...I'm not called to become apart of some "cult" that only opens itself up to those who are like themselves. (BTW, totally not calling Veritas a cult, because I'TS NOT, this is a GENERAL statement and really has nothing to do with Veritas other than that's where this all went down!) I'm not called to be apart of a group that removes itself from the WORLD when there is much to be done in the world.

[Go therefore and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, and teaching them to obey everything that I have commanded you." Matthew 28:19-20] 

((Okay, so I do have more to write, but this is a good place to stop...because I.AM.EXHAUSTED...So before I begin typing in "sleep-deprived" lingo, I'm going to end this post here and continue within the next day or so!)

love.

I can't even begin to explain to anyone how much I felt loved today.  This week has been an awesome week so far! Among all of the stress of school and life in general things are well... So, I was a bit surprised when I kept being reminded that I was loved by a God much greater than anything I can imagine. (Usually when I feel overwhelmed by God's love it's through times that aren't so good....)

So anyways, the weather today was PERFECT...well, once it warmed up a bit. I spent the late morning outside by a lake in NLR. Part of my time was spent getting my vitamin D, taking photos and reading in my Bible. I'm not usually one to just open up my Bible and read wherever it lands, I'm usually searching for something specific when I open up the Good Book.  I opened my Bible to 1 Corinthians 13:4. We're all familiar with this--Love is patent; love is kinda; love is not envious or boastful or arrogant...Verse 8 says Love never ends. As I read these words, I couldn't help but think about God's love for us. There's nothing in this world that can separate us from the love that God has for us. Well, sin does but because of God's grace and love for us; for His ultimate sacrifice, our sins are forgiven...  Have you ever stopped to think about what it must have meant for God to send His only Son to die for our sins. For our sins...I've thought about what it must have been like for Jesus to carry the cross he was going to die on but I never really considered what that meant until a few days ago. Not only was Jesus carrying this heavy, heavy cross on his back UP a hill, He was carrying every single one of our sins with Him. How heavy a burden that must have been. But He did it because He loves us. God did it because he LOVES YOU. YES! YOU!..

I find it fairly easy to find God in nature; in the world I am surrounded in.Today, these are some examples of how God reminded me He loves me. I mean, look at what He created for us to enjoy. What did we do to deserve such a beautiful place to dwell?!

(The picture on the top left was taken today at Pinnacle, the photo on the top right was taken not too far from my house of a field, also taken today. The lower two photos were both taken in NLR near the Old Mill)

Then of course a song came on the radio! Yes, you all know how I am with my music! It was MercyMe's "Spoken For" ..for those of you who don't know the song starts of "Take this world from me, I don't need it anymore. I am finally free. My heart is spoken for." I have to say when the song first came on the radio, I was excited because it's a really good song! (Ok, so I get excited any time a new song starts on the radio, that's besides the point!)..I could post the whole song on here, but I'll leave it to you to look up all of the lyrics (btw, you should totally do it, it's an awesome song!)..  "Now I have a peace, I've never known before. I find myself complete, my heart is spoken for."  I know this feeling. It is the BEST feeling in the world. And no man or any other human being can give me the kind of peace or the kind of love that God provides for me. "To hear you say "this one's mine..." It was in that moment, between me realizing the love that I have come to have for myself and for others is because of the love that God has for me and realizing just how much God really does love me that I received part of a confirmation that I had been looking for....

God loves you.  Haha..I laugh, because I just looked at my cork board in my room and I have a veggie tales bookmark hanging on it that says "God made you special and he loves you very much!" It made me smile! 

Isn't God cool? 

I have to say, the biggest moment for me today was when we were coming back down from the top of Pinnacle. As beautiful and absolutely breathtaking as the view from Pinnacle is, I stumbled (not literally!) upon a rock close to the bottom of the mountain. This rock is something that probably hundreds+ people have walked over, maybe even tripped on. But this rock was telling me "Corey, take a minute and stop. Breathe. Trust me....I love you"...Okay, so the rock didn't literally talk to me, but you get what I'm sayin! Here's a photo of the rock...

(ALL photos taken by Corey Tyson)

Wait. Listen. Trust.

So, I know this may seem a little weird considering my last blog was titled "Move." But I also said that God had been talking to me a lot lately. 

Like to wait.

To listen more.

And to trust Him fully.

I won't go into detail about what God's telling me to wait on or for...but I knew, even from the beginning, that I was going to have to wait. 


Sometimes all I need to hear is "shut up and listen"... Honestly, I don't think  my problem is that I don't listen...it's that I don't act on what I'm hearing. I ignore it. I run from it.  Why you might ask? The simple, or not so simple answer is that I simply do not know why I run from it. Even when I admit things about my call, I don't want to own them.  I'm scared. Of everything. Of the uncertainty, of putting my trust in God. Of taking that leap. I'm scared of completely messing everything up. Relationships. I try to rationalize everything and I often over think things. I try to understand it by pulling in all the evidence I can. I guess when I have to rely on faith only I have a harder time understanding it, because I don't trust fully in the One who created me. Selfish, huh?  God doesn't say we're going to understand everything we do. That's where faith comes in.

["Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding" Proverbs 3:5]

God isn't asking me to do anything I can't do. And I know I will never receive more than I can handle. I stress out over things way too much. I carry around a lot of baggage that I don't want..I'm just not sure how to get rid of it. Don't get me wrong, I've learned from my past, grown from it and am a new person (in Christ) because of it. I don't let it control me (for the most part)..but I still carry it around with me. I'm ready to get rid of it. To leave it where it belongs and to NEVER look back at it. 

God is God. He always has been and always will be. He hasn't changed, only our perceptions and interpretations of Him have.

I'm tired of being scared. Of not doing what I feel God is calling me to do because of my own fears. 

[Having faith often means doing what others see as crazy-Francis Chan, Crazy Love]

Discernment. Courage. Love. Strength. Guidance. Peace. Faith. Hope. Joy. Trust. Patience. Freedom.

Move.

Boy has God been speaking to me lately! I can pretty much sum it up in four words: Move, Wait, Listen and Trust.
Today, I am going to talk about "Move".


Move





When I say the word move, I don't mean it in the packing up boxes and leaving sense.  As I searched for what this word that was had been put on my heart could mean, I decided to look it up in the dictionary to see what it really meant. I was unhappy with all of the definitions until I came across the one that said "to take action". WOW. what power this meaning gave me. While I can think  of many verses in the Bible where God calls us to take action, to take up our cross and follow Him, ["Whoever wants to be my disciple must deny themselves and take up their cross and follow me" Matthew 16:24]to live a life of faith, etc.; there are a couple of songs that I am drawn to. Both of these songs have a tendency to play on the radio at least twice a day that I am in my vehicle. The first is "I Refuse" by Josh Wilson. While the whole song is pretty powerful, the part that really moves me is when Josh sings the words "I refuse to sit around and wait for someone else to do what God has called me to do myself, I could choose not to move, but I refuse". For those of you who have never heard this song, I encourage you to listen to it when you get some time. And for those of you who have heard the song, you know how upbeat it is and how easy it can be to get excited. This song excites me. There are so many times when I make excuses for things. Excuses that reach beyond my Christian life. But the excuses that burden me are the excuses I make when it comes to my call. This includes my call into ordained ministry and my current calling. I make my own excuses as to why I can't do something; I'm not good enough. I'm not smart enough. I could never do this successfully. God would never call me. I'm a woman, I can't be called to ordained ministry. I'm Corey Tyson--what do I have to offer? It's thoughts like these that hold me back. I am my own worst enemy when I don't trust God. God isn't asking me to come up with excuse after excuse as to why I can't do something. God is calling me to take charge of my life as a Christian, as a follower of Christ, as a believer. God has called me (and you) to pick up our crosses and to follow Him. To quit standing around, making excuses. And to trust Him.
The other song is Christ Tomlin's "I Will Follow". When I hear this song, I can't help but feel like God is speaking directly to me through Chris' lyrics. I can't help but laugh a little every time I hear this song. Like, "God, I get it" But do I? The song goes "Where you go, I'll go. Where you stay, I'll stay. When you move, I'll move. I will follow You".  The song goes on to include love and serve and "if this life I lose, [still] I will follow You". How can I not feel like God is calling me to move? (There's a lot more that goes into this word, move but I'll save that for you guys to guess what it is.


"Whoever finds their life will lose it, and whoever loses their life for me will find it" Matthew 10:39

where you go, i'll go.

Maybe one day I will get up enough courage, or whatever you want to call it, to publish online my call story. But it's something really personal and not something I've shared with a lot of people. It's definitely something I am more comfortable with, but not something I'm willing to risk getting hurt over.

Actually, I'm not sure it's something I'll ever share on the internet for anyone and everyone to see...maybe one day I'll write a book about it and my journey with God. I'd rather people ask me about it. It's something exciting and personal that I have the opportunity to share with others. And it does excite me when people ask me to tell them my story. But it also scares me. It's not exactly the first thing you go to tell someone, at least for me it's not. It becomes a barrier, a conversation stopper because most people don't know how to react or what to say. And that's okay--I don't expect everyone to be as excited about it as I am. But I want people to know that it is okay to ask me about it, just  make sure we have plenty of time if you want to hear the long version ;).

That brings me to what's been laying so heavily on my heart lately. My call.

This part of my journey in life has brought me a lot to be thankful for, a lot to be happy about. It's also brought me a lot of sorrow, confusion and many things to question. When I say it has brought me sorrow, I don't mean it in a bad way. I mean it in a healthy and therapeutic way.  There's joy to be found through sorrow and peace to be found in the confusion. I know that doesn't mean I'm always going to have answers or that everything's always going to be perfect. In fact, I'm pretty sure I'm always going to have more questions than I have answers to and that perfection doesn't exist. But that's okay.

"I give you a new commandment, that you love one another. Just as I have loved you, you also should love one another." John 13:34 (NRSV)

God has taken me on an amazing journey in my 21 years of life and I know that He has so much more to show me and for me to experience. I pray that I can find confidence in my call and in telling others about how falling in love with Jesus has changed my life. I pray for peace amongst confusion and joy in times of sorrow. I pray especially for discernment. Even though it's scary, I'm very excited to see where God is going to lead me throughout the rest of  my life. I'm excited to meet new people and to build on the relationships I have already made. To have more compassion and to love more. To learn. To love. And to grow.

“I have called you by name, from the very beginning. You are mine and I am yours. You are my Beloved, on you my favor rests. I have molded you in the depths of the earth and knitted you together in your mother’s womb. I have carved you in the palms of my hands and hidden you in the shadow of my embrace. I look at you with infinite tenderness and care for you with a care more intimate than that of a mother for her child. I have counted every hair on your head and guided you at every step. Wherever you go, I go with you, and wherever you rest, I keep watch. I will give you food that will satisfy all your hunger and drink that will quench all your thirst. I will not hide my face from you. You know me as your own. You belong to me. I am your father, your mother, your brother, your sister, your lover, and your spouse…yes, even your child…wherever you are I will be. Nothing will ever separate us. We are one. Every time you listen with great attentiveness to the voice that calls you the Beloved, you will discover within yourself a desire to hear that voice longer and more deeply. It is like discovering a well in the desert.  Once you have touched wet ground, you want to dig deeper.” ( Henri J.M. Nouwen, Life of the Beloved)

"too much me and not enough God"

So recently some really good things have been happening in my life...and then I hit a bump. Sound familiar? It's so easy to get caught up in..well, life. to rush into things too fast. and, unfortunately it's very easy to forget to put God first in our lives. Even though I try to center every relationship I have around God, I often get caught up into what I want instead of following what God wants. I listen to my wants, my desires, my insecurities, my needs. There's too much me and not enough God!! 

I cannot say that God doesn't love me--He has shown me how much he loves me through the people in my life and in other ways. Sometimes it's a song coming on the radio that I needed to hear--yes I DO believe that God works in those types of ways. To limit what He can do would be a) selfish and b) a bit ignorant. Anyways, I am amazed every day at how much God loves me. 

I find myself getting frustrated a lot, both with myself and with God. But mostly with myself. I've never been one to have my future planned out but I find myself now wanting to know where I'll be in a year and a half, three years, five, ten years from now. And unfortunately, I'm no psychic (I know, this may come as a surprise to many of you, sorry to disappoint)--I can't predict my future...My call has given me a direction to go in my life. But as I begin to explore my options with grad schools/seminaries, internships, etc I realize that there are SO many opportunities for ministry to happen and  for me to be in ministry. God's shown me just enough so that I can take the next step in my life. But He has also opened up His arms to me this past week. Constantly finding ways to show and tell me He loves me. And continuing to ask me to trust Him. Sometimes it's hard and scary, but it's also a VERY beautiful thing.

"...And this is my prayer: that your love may abound more and more in knowledge and depth of insight so that you may be able to discern what is best and may be pure and blameless until the day of Christ, filled with the fruit of righteousness that comes through Jesus Christ--to the glory and praise of God." 1 Philippians 1:9-11