"Then Jesus said to his disciples, 'Whoever wants to be my disciple must deny themselves and take up their cross and follow me'" (Matt 16:24)
Jesus wants to lead us in our lives. I think, among other things, Jesus is saying here it's not about what you want, what you have planned for yourself or what you desire. if you really want to follow me, then FOLLOW ME!. In every area of your life, FOLLOW ME. Until recently, I thought I could just give God parts of my life to lead. Okay God, you can have my career path, my attitude and I guess you can have my friendships. But you can't have my relationships (when it comes to the opposite sex), you can't have my day to day decisions and you definitely can't have my thought process. I get to control those things and you can have the rest. Yes, this is the way it was for me. (and yes, I thought I had given God all areas of my life..but I was quickly reminded that I wasn't being honest with myself or with others when saying so)
I've been reading a book called When God Writes Your Love Story. I'm only into the fourth chapter, but something really stood out to me last night while reading it. Eric and Leslie Ludy have written the book together and in the third chapter Eric talks about exactly what I just talked about--struggling to give God ALL of you and not just PARTS of you. When I read this last night it hit me that I wasn't doing that even though it was something I so badly wanted. I desired to let God have control over 100% but I also desired control over my life. And to be honest, the areas that God didn't have complete control over were/are the areas that were/are lacking. That aren't producing fruit. and that are failing.
Today, I prayed a prayer that God would take control of 100% of my life-my school work, my relationships (with friends AND with men), my finances, my attitude, etc. I want to live a life as a follower of Christ, not as someone who wants Christ to follow what I want. And I believe that's what God wants for us. If there's one thing I've learned in the past 6 months-year (and I've learned A LOT about what God desires for me over the past year) it's that God desires an intimate and personal relationship with us. God also wants what is best for us and truly has our best interest at heart when leading us in a certain direction. Even if we don't realize what He's doing at the time.
I was worried about not getting to do everything I wanted to do. I was worried I wasn't going to be able to choose. (I do have a choice...I could choose not to follow God and as a result probably live an unfulfilled and unhappy life). I believe the things that I desire (the truly good things) are things the Lord put on my heart to desire--so that I can use those things that I am passionate about to Praise and serve Him with. There really isn't any reason not to trust God with the desires that HE placed on my heart....this includes the small decisions AND the big decisions. The decisions about which step to take next. The decisions that involve deciphering right from wrong. Even the decisions about the kind of person I want to date. (I used to think I could kinda say okay God, if you'll kinda show me which one is good for me I can take it from there but the truth is, what God wants for me is SO much better than what I want for myself. I don't want to trust myself in deciding who to marry. Especially when I know that God has someone special in mind for me. But this is a WHOLE OTHER subject and I'm getting off topic!) God wants to control the decisions about what to do with my passions--God has a plan for me. I just have to listen, be willing to trust Him and allow Him to guide me each step of the way.
"Trust in the Lord with ALL your heart and lean not on your own understanding" Proverbs 3:5
Today, in that same prayer I prayed that God would reveal to me what I needed to know when I needed to know it. Knowing that He's going to be there, guiding me along the way as long as I put my 100% total trust in Him. God's timing is perfect.
"'For I know the plans I have for you', declares the Lord. 'plans to prosper you, and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future'" Jeremiah 29:11
Lord, give me enough light to see the next step. And the courage to take it.
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