"creature among creatures"

So I just finished a 3.26 mile walk around downtown Durham. It was so peaceful. Maybe not the safest idea at 9:00 pm...but hey, God and I had some wonderful quality time.

Eno River State Park, Feb 2013 (unedited)

Dr. Chapman said something in Old Testament lecture today that has stuck with me. Upon discussing the book of Job, Dr. Chapman pointed out that Job, who is suffering and being punished by God for no apparent reason (well, God made a bet with "the Satan"--that's another discussion for another day)...But Dr. Chapman pointed out that Job not only doesn't understand his limits, he doesn't understand HOW limited he is. Job cannot understand the things that are too wonderful for him. Job is not just one guy among a lot of people, Job is one creature among creatures.

I am not just one person among a lot of people. I am one creature among creatures. I am just one part of God's wonderful Creation story.

What a wonderful truth this is.  And a wonderful reality to be able to live into.

The world is bigger than my problems and insecurities. God is bigger than my suffering. 

Eno River State Park, Feb 2013 (unedited)

Today, I was reminded SEVERAL times (at least three of which were very distinct) that I am to be focusing on my relationship with Christ before anything else. I know, I'm a seminarian, of course God should be and is the focal point--the center--of my life, right?! Well, yes God should have that place in my life. And, generally speaking, I feel confident in saying that God is! However, God does not always hold the place in my life that God deserves and demands of me. 

I don't rely on God enough. I don't. It's as simple as that. I'm hard-headed and like to figure things out on my own. Sometimes this means I want God to step aside and let me do all the work myself. But that isn't the way God intends it to be. I do not give enough praise and thanksgiving to the One who created me. I take the credit, when in fact no credit is due to me. I get caught up in the worries and troubles that I lash out in anger, confusion, and even sorrow; I forget that I am commanded first to love.

God requires everything. Yes, everything. God wants all of me, not just part of me. Jesus commands us to love the Lord with all of our heart. And to, secondly, love our neighbor. This can be a hard reality to live into. Sometimes both are just as equally difficult to live into. But God, what about what I want? What about the desires of my heart. I believe that when/if we love God with our whole heart, it means that we (must) become submissive to God's will for our lives. Following that statement, as Jesus commands us, we are to love our neighbor. For Jesus, the definition of "neighbor" has no limits. Our neighbor is to be all of Creation. The Lord requires our hearts, our minds, our souls, and our bodies to be used in such a way that is glorifying to God. 

"See that none of you repays evil for evil,

but always seek to do good to one another and to all..."

(1 Thess 5:15)

I don't spend enough time in prayer with my Creator. I mean, seriously. Spending time in conversation with God is something I find hard to do, intentionally. While I try to spend the day, as an entirety, in prayer I fail at this more than I would like to admit. Maybe it isn't that I don't spend enough time in prayer (but really, can you ever spend enough time in conversation with God?) maybe, instead, it's that I am not intentional enough about prayer. I don't feel like enough of my time during the day is spent intentionally with God. It seems my prayers are just a byproduct of life. It isn't a discipline I put enough thought, intentionality, or seriousness into.

"...Rejoice always, pray without ceasing."

(1 Thess 5:16-17)

I worry.  I over think everything to the point that it is sometimes unhealthy. I overanalyze situations, even before they occur. Yes, I'm ridiculous. And yes, I know it is scriptural that we are to not worry. But I can't help but fall into this sin. Particularly I have been worrying about the next two and a half years of my life: what will I be like as I am approaching graduation from Duke Divinity; where will I be heading after graduation; is ordination the right track for me; questions about marriage; questions that really don't even matter.

"...give thanks in all circumstances;

 for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you." 

(1 Thess 5:18)

Eno River State Park, Feb 2013 (unedited)

Today I was reminded, for possibly the billionth time, that God is bigger than anything I can throw at him. God is bigger than all my fears, failures, insecurities, sorrows, anger, etc. And yes, God is even bigger than my hope, my love, my joys, my wants, my dreams, etc. God is bigger than my worry. 

Tonight, I leave you with a prayer that touched me today:

Courage Prayer for the Lenten Journey

Lord God, you have called us, your servants, to ventures of which we cannot see the ending, by paths as yet not traveled through risks and threats unknown. Give us faith to do our work with good courage, not knowing where we go, but only that your hand is leading us and your love supporting us; through Jesus Christ our Lord. Amen.

Eno River State Park, Feb 2013 (unedited)