(sorry this became a long post! but its a good one)
Oh my! How time flies by (when you're having fun?)....
haha, I am having a GREAT time at Duke Divinity School! I never would have thought I could have felt so at home in a place that was so far away from home. I guess that depends on how you define home. For so many years I defined it by where my parents were (and in so many ways it will always be defined that way) but the definition of home, for me, is so much more than that. My home isn't just my street address where I grew up. Home isn't just Jacksonville, Arkansas. Home, for me, definitely includes a LOT of people. My parents are the foundation of that. My brother and sister are also a part of that foundation. The next layer consists of my close friends--the truly close ones who know most everything about me. This layer also includes some of the mentors in my life, who will never admit they know me as well as they do! :) And then, there's my church family--the Jacksonville First United Methodist Church community of which I was raised and in so many ways formed. Then there are others who I may have had an encounter with only once or a few times who have impacted me, both directly and indirectly.
When I first got to North Carolina, I have to admit, I was pretty miserable. It was a huge adjustment and I'm not sure I had fully prepared myself to take on this journey--this new chapter in my life. I felt lonely, misunderstood, depressed, angry, excited, etc. To be honest, I'm not sure I fully understood who I was a few months ago (and I think I'm still in the process of figuring all of that out). For so long in my life, I never had to define who I was. I had forever been defined by the people in my life. I did not have to define myself because everyone around me was doing that for me. I defined myself based on how others viewed me (which led to some unhealthy, unhappy, and inaccurate views of myself). I think I began to feel a part of this "identity crisis" after some of my weight loss--I was no longer being defined by the way I looked and I knew that God had never defined me by what I looked like on the outside, but that God had forever been searching my heart. I've come to realize that on a whole new level, since being in NC. This brings me back to the definition of home. While Jacksonville, Arkansas will always be home, I have found and come to realize that my true home is in Jesus Christ. That wherever I go, as long as Christ is in my heart, I will always be where I'm supposed to be--I will always be home. Right now, home is Durham, North Carolina. And will be for at least the next two and a half years. (I can't believe I'm almost done with semester uno of seminary!!!)
I had the opportunity to visit some of my family that I have in North Carolina a few weeks ago. I spent the weekend with my aunt and uncle--what a great reminder of what family really is; that no matter the distance, or how many times you've seen each other in your lifetime, that family is family--a kind of love that doesn't go away. A kind of love that's natural. And a sense of warmth and a touch of what has always made home, well home. It was a great visit and was definitely a great part in making me feel more at home here. I am looking forward to many more opportunities to visit them in the future! (Thank you Uncle Keith and Aunt Diane for letting me stay with you, for treating me so well, for feeding me, and for taking me "grocery shopping!!")
I have found that God provides in some crazy, insane, annoying, yet amazing, exciting, and refreshing ways!! I always underestimate the power and grace of God (silly me, I know!)--but I do! All the time. I wouldn't say I'm one of those people that hates relying on others, but I will admit to sometimes being stubborn and wanting to do things on my own, that I forget that's not possible. None of where I'm at now would have been possible without God. Without my (almost) complete reliance and trust in God. There's no way I could have done what I've done in the last three months if it weren't for God's grace, God's love, and God's "hands" working in my life.
I am truly blessed and have so much to be thankful for!!!
In two days, I will be celebrating 23 years of life!!! This would not be possible without the determination and strength of my mother and father, who fought and tried for so long to have children. My mom has never given up on me--even before I was born, she never gave up. I am so grateful and owe most of who I am to my mom. I wouldn't have wanted any other mom than the one God blessed me with (I wouldn't have always said that, just for the record!). If I can one day be half the mother to my future children that my mom was to me, my brother and my sister, I'll still be doing great! Words cannot express the gratitude, the love, and the appreciation I have for my mom. Love you, mom!
Last week, when I was home for Thanksgiving, the first person I saw upon getting out of my vehicle at church was Fran Cotten. I am so thankful for people like Fran. She's the sweetest lady I think I have ever met in my life. She's only a part of what has made JFUMC home for so many years. There are definitely others there that have impacted me--the truth is there are way too many to name. What I know of the church comes from this particular church. And what I know about God comes from the people of this church--some of whom are still there and some who are no serving elsewhere. There have been many people who have been transformational and very, very formative in my faith (and continue to be). For those people (especially to the ones who put up with me and never gave up on my when I was a youth)--THANK YOU.
I have been extremely lucky in that I've gotten to visit with most of my close friends both trips back to AR. Words can't express how much they have been there for me the past few months, even though I am 850+ miles away from them. They make my heart happy and I'm so glad they've been apart of my life for as long as they have. What a blessing they all are!
I have also been extremely lucky with the friend-pool here. Lucky? Ehh...Extremely blessed!! While I will admit that I am still meeting some pretty amazing people, I was definitely blessed in the spiritual formation group area! Most of the people in that group have become some of my closest and dearest friends here. They have been more supportive, encouraging, and loving than I knew I was going to need in the first three months of seminary--so thank you, friends (you know who you are!). I'm telling you--with the group of people I have surrounding me here, there is no doubt in my mind that God doesn't provide for us the things we need when we need them--even before we know we need them!
I am seriously loving seminary more than I thought I ever would. I know, I'm ridiculous! I have pretty much known (although I never admitted it) that I would attend seminary since I was 12 years old. But seriously--it's hard, hard work. Lots of studying: there's always more to be read and always another paper that can be written. But it's AWESOME. and the community at Duke Divinity is amazing. Some days I wonder what the hell I'm doing here--at DUKE UNIVERSITY of all places. But the majority of the time, I feel like I am exactly where I'm supposed to be (for whatever reason). I am excited about my future in ministry. Be it as a pastor, a missionary...whatever God is calling me to. I'm very excited about the future of the church, especially the United Methodist Church! There are some amazing people here who are going to be AMAZING pastors; there are visionaries who see ways in which the UMC is failing and who are ready to address those concerns; there are people who are going to serve as lay leaders, who will be instrumental in aiding in the education of the church. I am excited, and I hope you are too!!
I hope you all had a great Thanksgiving! Prayers to my fellow seminarians who have papers to write and finals to study for!!
All my love,
Corey:)